In the second of two articles, Lisa Cavadias looks at the practicalities of extended breastfeeding

Breastfeeding a toddler is not the same as breastfeeding a newborn. Your baby is now an inquisitive child, interested in his or her surroundings, and capable of gymnastics that you could only dream of. Toddlers are also masters of the art of breastfeeding, and may take as much milk in 2 minutes as they did in an hour a year before.

You will now find that your little one wants to feed in all sorts of positions – favourites may include standing in front of you while you sit on the sofa, sitting next you on the sofa or floor and feet to head while laying down. It is up to you whether you think that this is acceptable; toddlers want to do all sorts of things and you can have boundaries to breast feeding in the same way as you have boundaries for other activities. Some mums have an ‘anything goes at home but only the cradle position for nursing in public’ policy; other mums go with the most comfortable position for both of them, depending on the circumstances.

Another decision that you may want to make is where you are prepared to breast feed. Many mums decide that breastfeeding a toddler is not discrete enough to do in public, and limit their toddler to feeding at home or in the car. While only the mum involved can decide if this is the best option for them, it does mean that extended breast feeding appears to be far less common than it is. Some mums treat breast feeding their toddler as a secret, which is shared in whispers. Other mums decide that breast feeding is breast feeding and carry on feeding in public.

Toddlers are changeable little people – One day they won’t touch carrots, the next day they will eat carrot all day long. Their need to breast feed also changes. Some times they may be too busy looking at the world, learning and playing to breast feed during the day. Other times, for example during teething or when visiting a strange place, they may need to breast feed frequently. Some mums also set limits on when their little one can breast feed – perhaps just morning and night and before naps. Others only limit breastfeeding when absolutely essential.

Something that mums often comment on is the way that older babies and toddlers like to be doing something with their ‘free’ hand. This may be a cute thing, like stroking mummy’s face, or may be less endearing (twiddling and pulling mummy’s hair), or even something that would be embarrassing in public – like twiddling with the other nipple or playing peek-a-boo by pulling your top up and down over the other breast. If your little one’s behaviour is fine by you then there isn’t a problem, but if you find that it isn’t acceptable to you, or is painful, then this is an area where you need to stand your ground. One of the nest ideas is to find a substitute activity for that wandering hand. You can buy nursing necklaces which won’t break if they are tugged and twisted, but other mums play with the roaming hand, carry a small toy for it to hold or come up with their own substitute. The most important thing is consistency – if a toddler is allowed to do something sometimes, they won’t be able to understand why they can’t always do it.

One of the best things about toddlers is that they start to communicate much more clearly – which is where well laid ground work can help. If your child has heard breast feeding referred to as ‘booby’ (as in ‘would you like some booby?’) all their life, what do you think they are going to shout for in the middle of the shop? Exactly! This is where a bit of planning comes in. It is a good idea, before your child can talk, to decide what you would like him/her to call breast feeding and use that word. There are many different suggestions, from ‘baby’ words like num-nums or ni-ni through plain ‘milk’ or ‘mummy milk’ to using another language (lait, leche or grala). Again, consistency is important, although this is one of the few areas where most mums don’t mind if other people can’t understand what their child is saying.

The biggest obstacles to extended breast feeding are other people’s perceptions; you may find previously supportive friends and family start asking ‘When are you going to stop?’ or ‘Are you still breast feeding?’. There are various ways to deal with this sort of comment:
• Don’t let other people know that you breast feed,
• Give a jokey reply like ‘oh, in about 5 minutes’ or ‘I’m not breast feeding just now – [insert name here] is playing over there.’
• Give a factual reply ‘Until (s)he is ready to stop’ or ‘until the World Health Organisation thinks I should’
• Be noncommittal ‘I’m not sure – It’s something that I am thinking about’
• ‘That’s none of your business, is it?’ (usually reserved for bold breast feeders or complete strangers)

Other comments may perpetuate myths about breast feeding, from
‘If you stopped breast feeding and switched to a bottle (s)he would sleep through’ or
‘If you keep breast feeding your breasts will go saggy’ to the really extreme and completely unfounded ‘If you keep breast feeding, your son will turn out gay’. Many bottle fed babies don’t sleep through the night – at this age sleeping through is not related to whether the child is ‘full’, but has other causes. It is pregnancy and the initial growth of the breasts, which happens irrespective of breastfeeding which changes the shape/firmness, not breast feeding itself. The last comment doesn’t really need much of a reply; apart from to say that the logic there is very flawed – seeing and enjoying breasts is going to lead to an adult who isn’t interested?

Many mums are also concerned that they will get a bad reaction from ‘a member of the public’ if they continue to breast feed outside the home. The good news is that many more mums get a positive comment, or genuine questions, than ever get a nasty comment.

Sometimes the hardest comments to deal with come from your partner, who may (justifiably) feel like reclaiming your breasts. Here you have to decide whether the benefits to your partner and your relationship out weigh the benefits to you and your child, or whether to look for a compromise solution (for example, continue breast feeding, but let your child spend one night a fortnight with Grandma for example). Often partners just don’t know the facts about extended breast feeding and showing them an article or discussing it with them can often change their point of view.

Many mums who chose extended breast feeding also choose to let their child lead the weaning process, and continue to breast feed for as long as the child wants. Typically a child will cut back gradually on breast feeding, usually with the night time feed the last to go. Any sudden stopping is usually a nursing strike; which can be caused by an number of factors such as pain during feeding from teething or an ear infection, or a sudden change in circumstance, and it is your decision whether to stop breast feeding at this point, or to try to find the cause and to continue to offer to breast feed until your child is over the strike.

Extended breast feeding has many benefits for both mother and baby, physical, psychological and practical. Just remember that you aren’t dealing with a placid baby any more, but a walking, talking toddler who knows their own mind and you will be fine. Try it – you might just like it!